Happy new year!

Today as I walked out of my place of stay at Warwick, I just realised that I'm in universtiy. It's quite a strange feeling because I've no clue on what university was about when I looked upon KaDhil's experience in Surrey University 4 years ago. Seeing students like me walking out of their accommodation, rushing to lectures, it made me realise, I've grown up. A bit too quickly. It rather sucks because I easily feel sad thinking about home.. wanting to come back all the time.

As I stepped into my room on Sunday at noon, after a month of leaving it alone, I broke down. Endlessly. The room was so empty.. sure it had pictures of my family and friends but that just made me cry even more. I am alone now. I was feeling really sad having to continue this life of mine for another three years. I was online with Hannan, asking him why are we doing this to ourselves? Why can't everybody be happy and be at the same place? As sad as I was, Hannan comforted me as he watched me through my webcam with teary eyes but I got a bit better with his company. I am glad I have someone like Hannan to help me through all of this because it's very painful at the beginning.

I miss home, I really do. This feeling is funny because I was home last Saturday and today I am working on essays and going to lectures. Am I missing something? How did that happen?

This year, I am motivated. Sure, I'm not going to be home until 6 months later but I'd like to focus on succesfully finishing first year, even if it doesn't really matter. As I think about how my life would mainly be based in the UK for three years, I know it'll only be the first year that is the hardest. I can get through this. I do feel glad I got to go home but it seems like I didn't spend enough time there..

My siblings are who I miss the most. My parents would be making a visit very soon and I'd expect more of that because well, my Dad's always flying.

I had a good time in Brunei. Hannan brought me out a lot: twice to Bukit Shahbandar, watching sunset the beach on the last day of 2007, singing songs together as he played the guitar on the first day of 2008, brunch and dinner together with the family, helping me with my essays (emotionally and getting data), coming to my house just to visit and he was always checking on me everyday. I never knew I'd ever make such an impact on someone, let alone Hannan. And to think that it has been more than 2 years now? I can't believe it. Yes, I'll never forget the ups and downs but everything looks good now. And he makes me really happy.

My lunch date with the girls was satisfying, being able to catch up even if there were only few of us. I feel guilty because of spending just 2 hours with them out of my 25 days in Brunei. In the summer, I promise I'll plan the outings better.

I'm off to continuing my essays now. I am feeling better since I came.

Sorry for the emotional post, girls.

Labels: catching up, emotional